A Fat Girl's Life

This blog is about exactly what its title implies. A fat girl, telling you about life as seen from her eyes. If it is slightly skewed, you can blame it on the fact that her eyes have been squished by her plump cheeks.

Archive for the tag “self-confidence”

I’m not a girl. I’m a fat girl.

And really, it’s not the same thing.

Almost every thing in my day is linked to being fat. If someone looks at me, I think they’re looking at my paunch. If a guy friend calls to hang out with me, it’s ‘coz I think he wants me to call my hot friend, so he can hang out with her.

Sometimes I even think I would do better at work if I was thinner.

Tonight I went out with two very close friends – a girl and a guy – and we had a really good time, with lots of laughs and free shots. Then, somewhere during the night, the two of them spent 5 whole minutes discussing their mutual attraction for each other. It made me feel completely left out, and also a bit sad. Why wasn’t I the one being flattered with confessions of attraction?

And the most haunting question was, as long as I’m fat, will I ever be?

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Boys…and fat girls

He passed me in the corridor. His eyes looked through me as usual. Somewhere half an inch above my head.I stole my usual glance at him. I don’t know if he notices me or not, I can’t tell. Then, as I do with most other things in life, I tell myself, why would a guy who looked like him – all attitude and ease and curly hair – go for a round human being, albeit with a cute face, but round nonetheless.

I think of all the guys who have liked me in the past, and how my standard HAS to raise. Then I think my standard will only raise when I lose weight. Even when a guy does look my way, I always think self-deprecatingly, why on earth would he be interested in me? I’m fat!

Of course, when I go out with friends, and guys give our group attention, I’m automatically assuming that the attention is for the other girls in the group. And not me. Never me. Boys always like my friends. Never me.

I plod on through the rest of my day, listlessly exercising in my head, going through how I would work out to lose that double chin and round paunch. One day…

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